I decided early in my ministry life that I wanted to prioritize transparency. I believe that the best way to reach people isn’t to say, “You should,” but rather, “Me too.” I never want to portray a life of ease if that isn’t what my experience is.
Because of this, I want to share some thoughts on one of my biggest struggles in my life in this season: Insecurity. Since I have begun following Christ, I have really battled with insecurity. A lot of factors play into this, but it seems that in every area of life, I struggle in some way with insecurity and self doubt.
This is how it plays out when Satan attacks my insecurity:
- In my new marriage, I don’t feel like I measure up or am good enough for my wife.
- In my job, I feel like I’m constantly missing the mark and not preforming as I am expected.
- In my friendships, I don’t feel like I hold up my side of the friendship all the time.
- In ministry, I don’t feel good enough to serve in a leadership role over people. I don’t feel good enough at preaching to get up and preach, and I don’t feel like I am good enough or qualified to do so. Even when thinking about vocational ministry, I don’t feel like I will ever get there because I am just not going to be able to cut it.
In addition, a lot of well-meaning people in my church and in other churches I have had the privilege to speak at have come up to me, a young man in ministry, and have told me they’d be praying that God keep me humble. I find myself wanting to ask them to pray for my confidence too, because I think I need that more most of the time. And for the longest time I hid this behind a confidence that was based in my own abilities and a facade of confidence that I knew was fake. Here’s the thing: your fake confidence doesn’t take away your real insecurity. It only makes it well up worse. Luckily, God is faithful.
Isn’t it cool that when we are honest with God and others, God will speak into our struggles? Like, whether your struggle is insecurity or something else, God can speak life through His Word, or someone else and break us out of the chains of our struggle. For a month or so, I was hyper-focused on Philippians, and God kept bringing up Philippians 1:6- “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
That verse brings so much freedom in my struggle. I was trying to bear it all on my own, and God kept pointing me back to the fact that He is what empowers all aspects of my life. He is in my marriage, my job, my friendships and my ministry with me. Even better, He goes before me! He isn’t going anywhere either. He will do the hard work… I just need to Remain and let Him work the details.
If you are struggling with something that you are masking or trying to handle on your own, here is my advice: stop. God is faithful. He will handle this for you. You just have to trust the process and remain in Him (see a pattern here?). Again, the outcome is God’s responsibility. Obedience is yours.
And if it is insecurity you’re dealing with, remember this: God placed you where you are. God has equipped you for your season. You can do whatever it is you need to do, just don’t do it alone. God will always do His part, but you have to let Him work.