Life can be pretty crazy sometimes. I think in those times of what seems like chaos, we always want to react to what is happening in the midst of the chaos. I am especially guilty of this, because I am a fixer. “If there was a problem, yo, I’ll solve it,” might be the most applicable line Vanilla Ice has written to my life (hopefully its the only applicable line). If I see something wrong, I always want to make it better right away. If my wife and I are fighting, I want to apologize and fix that right away. Life just doesn’t work that way.
I would be lying if I didn’t tell you this year of my life has been extremely overwhelming. For starters, we got married a year ago. This is a change that takes some adjustment for sure. We moved 2 times in the first 6 months. If there are any newly married couples reading this, read this next phrase carefully: DON’T DO THIS! Its crazy stressful. Add to that the fact that within 2 months of our wedding day, I quit my full-time job in order to return to school to get my degree. This was a hard one. This pushed us to really rely on God’s provision, because we couldn’t do it alone.
More recently, a lot has happened over the past 3-4 months especially that have really challenged Carissa and I as we have navigated new areas of life. We decided to leave the church where I grew up, and where I was serving on staff. This was really hard for me. Putting serving the church in an area of my giftedness on hold for further preparation was a decision I didn’t necessarily want to make, but it was necessary.
All that really pales in comparison to the latest new challenge though. My wife and I found out that we were expecting our first child! This is obviously something we are overjoyed about, and I am so excited to embark on the journey of parenting with Carissa, but its not all good news. Carissa has been extremely sick. This isn’t just morning sickness, because we expected that. This is all day nausea, and she has not been able to keep food down consistently. As a result, our doctor has placed her on leave from work because its really hard to be a nurse when all you want to do is throw up all day.
Not only is this hard on me to watch as her husband, and not be able to fix, but this has been really hard financially on us as a family. My wife is the larger earner in our home, and so her not working means we have to apply for disability leave and go through those hoops as long as her doctor has told her she cannot work. We applied for medical leave and initially heard nothing. We were told all the paperwork was submitted, then told it wasn’t, then essentially told to wait. Like I said, I am a fixer. I am not good at waiting.
2 months went by and we were still without answer. We tried everything we could to speed up this process, but nothing worked. Carissa and I sat down to figure out our bills, and we were defeated. We felt like this medical leave, which we are qualified for, wasn’t happening. We did what we felt was best… we started praying (a little late in the game to start, I know). I laid out what God had done in this past year, and how He had always come through. I prayed that He help us to trust Him, because He hadn’t failed us yet.
Guys, I know I say this a lot, but God is so good. He has been showing up in such real ways, and continues to do so. We have been praying for the past few weeks about this, and just yesterday, God started pouring out blessings on us like crazy. First off, a friend gave us $200. Just randomly found some cash they left us in our junk drawer. Then I am on the phone with Carissa and find $20 on the ground, as I say that all I have for gas is $10. Then find out an hour later that the people who managed our medical leave had figured out a way to get our paperwork expedited, and we have been approved. Like, WHAT?! Man, God is so good!
I tell you that for a couple of reasons. First, I want to brag on God for a second. It is amazing what God will do when we allow Him. My first reaction to an issue is how can I fix it, but God has been showing me that it is not about me. God can provide in ways I obviously couldn’t. He just wanted us to ask Him for provision, and sit back and wait. God is so patient with me and kind to us that I just do not have words to express how good He is.
Second, if you are in a season of confusion, or doubt, you can know how faithful God has always been. God has always been faithful to show up, and all He asks of us is to trust that He can and will. If you have a need, don’t try and fix it yourself. Check out how David puts it in Psalm 145:15-16…
The eyes of all look to You in hope; You give them their food as they need it. When You open your hand, You satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.
Allow God to show you how good He is. He’s never failed, and He won’t start now. As faithful as God has been in our last year, He is wanting to operate in the same amazing ways in your life. Just wait. He’ll show up.
Trust the process. Take your next step. Now is your moment.
Oh, and since I’m so excited…
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